Why do we go for fuckboys?
FUUUUUUCK ME, it’s 2018 and we ladies are still allowing the classic ‘fuckboy’ species to infiltrate our daily lives. What the heck is going on.
But first, just a quick shoutout to all of my beautiful friends, family and those reading this post that have found their other half. I’m proud of you, I love you and I’m ridiculously happy for you. But this article ain’t for you.
I dedicate this article to all those who have had to deal with fuckboys in the past, are currently dealing with them or will deal with them in the future; because unfortunately this isn’t one species that will go extinct easily. To all my single pals that are trying to navigate their way through the effed up dating scene that now faces us all; I’m here to tell you, you’re not alone.
I’ve been single for over a year now (the shock, the horror!) and oh my lordy I’ve learnt a few things. The biggest thing that I’ve learnt to deal with though, is something that most of us have had to face at some point in our lives; fuckboys.
Now I know, I know… what the heck is a fuckboy, how can I tell if they are one, and how the hell do I avoid them? Don’t worry my dear friend, we’re going to cover all of that and more in this article, plus hear a few real-life fuckboy stories from real gal pals all over the world.
But first things first, what exactly is a fuckboy? I was trying to think of the perfect definition, but Arielle Kaplan from Swoon summed it up more perfectly than I ever could have:
"Fuckboy (noun): a man who has sex with women without any intention of developing a relationship with them outside of the bedroom.Some men make it clear from the beginning that they want a no-strings-attached (NSA) relationship, so if they're ever called upon in court they can point to that early verbal contract for defense. Others keep their intentions to themselves until the girl asks to define the relationship (DTR) and another portion will go radio silent after a few hookups to shake an overly-attached bootycall."
YEP. If you’ve never experienced one of the above, then GURLLLL I envy you. So, now we all know just what a fuckboy is, the next step is to learn the defining factors. These are signs to look out for ladies, and I hate to say it, but if you’re seeing someone that has more than 3 of the features, RUN!
His phone is constantly going off. Whenever you spend time together, his phone is buzzing like there ain’t no tomorrow. Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Tinder, Bumble; you name it, he’s got it.
He doesn’t believe in labels. Sure, you’ve been dating consistently for 8 months but HEY, no need to put a label on it.. right? WRONG. If you’re into someone, you’re into them. If he is hesitant to introduce you as his girlfriend, then he’s probably trying to keep his options open.
You’re always the second option. When you ask to hang out, he’ll probably use phrases like “I’ll keep you posted” and “let’s stay in touch”. What this really translates into; “I’m out with the boys at the moment but if I don’t meet anyone or I get bored, only then will I leave and be happy to hang out with you.”
He’s a whimsical wordsmith. He knows what you want to hear, and when you’ve finally lost interest in being treated like a piece of sh*t, he’ll entice you back with promises of more. He knows how to mess with your head, and he’ll take advantage of this by saying what he thinks you most want to hear.
He has zero ambition. He’s probably complained about his job or life situation every time you’ve seen him, but does nothing to amend the situation. He can’t be bothered to put any effort into anything he does, especially when it comes to serious life decisions.
He bad-mouths other women. He says nasty things about other women, and is the definition of an anti-feminist. He calls his ex-girlfriend a psycho and often sniggers at his mates that are in relationships. He’ll bitch about them and say how they’re ‘whipped’ whilst saying that their girlfriends are controlling.
He doesn’t put effort into seeing you. His idea of a romantic date is Netflix and Chill, and that’s it. He doesn’t see the point of going out to a restaurant or to the park; he only wants one thing from you and that involves the bedroom.
He only contacts you when he’s bored, drunk or horny. This one is pretty self explanatory. Hands up if you’ve ever been a recipient of the loving ‘Hey u Up?’ text at 2am? 🙋🙋🙋
He refuses to stay over or let you stay over. RED ALERT, this guy is the genuine definition of a fuckboy. He’ll stay, have ‘fun’ and then leave shortly after. Doesn’t matter if it’s 8pm or 4am, he’s only there for one reason and wants to make it clear to you. Vice versa, if you’ve stayed over at his, he doesn’t want you there. After all… you’re not actually mates.
You’ve googled ‘Signs he’s a fuckboy’ or something like that. Girl, trust your instincts. If you’ve had to Google it, then you know deep down that mofo is the bloody definition of a fuckboy. The good news? At least now you know and can move on.
So there you go, there’s just a mere few of the red lights to look out for when dealing with the illustrious fuckboy species. Now, you’ve probably been so caught in the web of the fuckboy that you’re making excuses.
“Wellllll, he only does a few of those sometimes and normally he’s really nice to me and how can this random chick really know what he’s like?”
OH my friend, I’ve been there. I made so many excuses for the last fuckboy I dealt with, that my friends ended up getting furious with me. That’s the most messed up thing about dealing with an fboy, everyone else can see it except you. Don’t believe me?
I asked the Live with Elle community if they’d had to deal with any fboys, and OH MY LORD a few of us have been messed around more than I’d ever thought possible. Here are just a few select examples that were sent to me; remembering that this is literally the tiniest slice of examples! P.S thank you to everyone that sent them in.
SPECIMEN ONE: The Classic Fuckboy
“I once “saw” a fuckboy who would invite me over for dinner. I’d get so excited and wanted to look my absolute best - like a lot of girls prep took hours. Hair, makeup, outfit the works! God forbid I shave, exfoliate and moisturised a day earlier.
But he always without fail would bail. And bail literally minutes before I was due to leave or wouldn’t even tell me I’d only find out after I text “so when should I leave”. The excuses varied often leaving me thinking though he was a genuine guy who just had to put family and friends before a girl for example “I’m really sorry a mate just called he needs me” “I’m really sorry my mum just called I forgot I had a family dinner with her tonight”.
Despite not telling me until that last minute and leaving me done up to the nines with no place to go or someone to see I still felt like I could see him again because it felt like a genuine reason. However, this continued many times and he would often try to skip the date part and have me turn up hours later at his house.” - Rach
SPECIMEN TWO: The Fuckboy of all Fuckboys.
“So there was this guy that lived in my area. He was super good looking and popular but I'd never actually even heard about him or seen him till I matched him on Tinder. We started talking and we hit it off straight away and I was so into him. We snapchatted and texted all the time and he was always asking to catch up but I was always working or busy.
We eventually settled on a date, and met a local pub. We had a great time, and he invited me to the house he was looking after for another drink and I agreed. I played him some guitar and we just chatted...I thought we had a real connection. We ended up in his bed watching a movie till he asked if I wanted to join him for a shower. I ended up joining him, and we later slept together that night.
In the morning we cuddle he makes me breakfast in bed and then dropped me home. We kept talking for a while after that, but he was moving overseas so it was expected that things would slow down and eventually stop; that was fine.
This is the point where I found out he was a shitty lying piece of shit fuck boy.
My friend had sent me a screenshot of a photo a mate had posted on this fuck boys wall for his birthday. It was a photo of me laying on his chest in bed. You couldn't see anything but you could tell I was naked. It was a snapchat he had sent I'm assuming all his friends. This caption on the photo he had wrote said something along the lines of "ok I'm done with you now lol get off me"
You could obviously feel my embarrassment cause this was posted on his wall for everyone to see ... one of his friends had tagged me in the post asking me if I had a good night and there were a few different comments which made me feel like pure shit and the biggest idiot. He looked so tough in front of his friends but when I messaged him to confront him and tell him to take it down he blamed it on alcohol and me. Saying it was my fault for getting drunk and sleeping with him. He was the very definition of a fuckboy.”
SPECIMEN THREE: The Ghosting Fuckboy
“My biggest fuckboy story would be when I was seeing a guy and we were going on our second date. It was half an hour after he was meant to pick him up and I texted saying hey how far off are you and he never replied. So later that Day messaged said hey what happened today and he replied with ‘yeah sorry I don’t think this is going to work’." - Alex
SPECIMEN FOUR: The Short-lifespan Fuckboy
“My grandpa died during my second date with a guy, and it was really awkward. He was really good about it, stayed over, didn’t try anything, was really nice and was so nice to have someone there. He left mine the next day and everything was all sweet. We were talking all normal for the next week, but then just randomly turned into a fuck boy. He would only message me when he was drunk and wanting to hook up, and playing a total 'treat em mean keep em keen' vibe whenever we would talk. ALL WITHIN A WEEK!” - Sarah
SPECIMEN FIVE: The Female-Phobic Fuckboy
“I was seeing this guy for a few months, and everything was really nice. We’d go on the occasional date, have ‘sleepovers’ loads and just have fun together. I started to get strong feelings for him, and he said he felt the same way. When I asked if he was sleeping with anyone else, he uhmed and ahed. When I pushed further, he said he wasn’t currently but he’d “keep me in the loop” if his situation changed. Despite knowing that was a total fboy move, I excused him and kept seeing him. We’d organised to catch up the week later, and we were just going to chill at his. I had my period and didn’t think it would make a difference, but when I joked about having to just actually watch Netflix and genuinely ‘chill’, he cancelled an hour later. LOL”
SPECIMEN SIX: The Confused AF Fuckboy
“Both fresh out of relationships, I started a friendship with a hot young guy from work which quickly developed into something more. I should’ve recognised the fuckboy behaviour when he suggested the use of an emoji for booty calls. Cut through months of booty calls, lunches at work and constantly talking and texting him, only for him to unfollow me on all social media, he even went to the effort of unliking some of my photos and completely shunned me from his life without even a word.
Then I got a text from said fuckboy saying he can longer talk or be friends with me and hopes I ‘understand and respect that’ because he was getting back with his ex. The ex who he constantly talked shit about (another fuckboy marker) and could only be described as psychotic. I only call her that because of all the stalking she did, physically pushing me and calling me names to my face in public areas.
It was only after he stood there and did nothing whilst I was getting yelled at by her, when they broke up for the second time, that he started talking to me again like nothing had changed and I realised how much more I deserved." - Holly
SPECIMEN SEVEN: The Forgetful Fuckboy
I had been “dating” this guy for a couple months. He lived with his parents, so we never really went to his, but one night we ended up there. I was excited/nervous to meet his mum for the first time, as it's a big deal meeting parents!! After speaking to her briefly, she told me she liked my haircut. I had cut my hair...a couple weeks ago...but we had never met before this moment. I even looked to him and he was like “oh, have you two met before?” It was super awkward and super obvious he had been bringing other girls home." - Eve
If you’ve made it down this far, kudos to you! They’re all hard to read, but these are the few that really got to me and highlighted the very definition of fboys.
I too, have been cheated on before and it almost killed me. You never expect it, and you're never prepared for it. It was by someone who I thought was the love of my life, and it was difficult to find happiness for a long time after that. It was a big life lesson, taught me to not get caught up in young love, and always put yourself first.
This article is for all those gals & guys out there that have had to deal with a fuckboy at some stage in their life. Thank you for giving me a safe space to share my own story, and thank you to everyone else that shared theirs as well. You guys are all the best, and remember YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT FUCKBOY x