Lessons I’ve learnt from my crushes.
During my weekly binge of new Netflix shows, I stumbled across the film “To all the boys I’ve loved before.” Based on the novel by Jenny Han, it follows the journey of Lana Condor, who’s secret love letters she’s written to her crushes throughout the years are posted out to them. The disaster/love story that follows is a really lovely story, and people all over the inter-webs have been talking about the film non-stop.
Watching it, it made me think of all the crushes I’ve ever had growing up. Let me specify that when I say crush, I mean a boy that probably didn’t know I existed, but in my head we were married with three children and a dog called Spot. Crushes are those people that you’ll never really end up with, they’re more of a fantasy that you create to keep yourself distracted from the fact you’re living off two minute noodles and even your dog is ignoring you.
They let you escape from reality for a while, and oh lordy did I go through a few of them back in the day. Most of them never knew of my existence, and if they did I was too shy to even look them in the eyes, let alone profess my feelings of “love” (more like utter obsession) to them.
When I look back and think of all my crushes, (at the time), I thought they broke my heart, but in reality it was just school politics and the feelings of rejection that hurt. A few of them taught me lessons along the way, and that includes things that I’ve learnt to love about myself (because they told me the opposite). They helped me to become more confident, to trust my gut and to just be myself.
Here’s a few life lessons I learnt from my childhood crushes:
THE ACTOR: Watch very closely how he treats other women in his life. His mum, sister, neighbour, your friends. Chances are that if he’s a dickhead to other women, he’ll be a dickhead to you. You can tell a lot about how someone will treat you from how they treat others.
THE TRUTH TELLER: Don’t let yourself fall into denial. There’s no blurred lines when it comes to whether someone likes you or not. They either do, or they don’t. If he’s not acting interested, don’t read into it. He just ain’t interested.
THE TEASER: If he teases you, he doesn’t have a crush on you - he enjoys teasing you because he gets a reaction. Girls are told from such a young age that if a boy teases you, it’s because he likes you. NO, it’s because he’s a little prepubescent asshole who likes making people self conscious.
THE TIME-WASTER: f you really, really like your crush, just bloody let them know. Don’t agonise over them and don’t waste time over them - let them know you’re into them and if they’re not, move on. Don’t let them lead you on into thinking something will happen, when it won't.
THE CONFIDENCE CRUSHER: Don’t let your self worth be defined by a crush. If the undying love (etc) isn’t reciprocated, it’s okay. There are 6.5 billion other people in the world to love, and they’ll love you right back. Don’t let your insecurities take over and start picking yourself up - you’re perfect as you are.
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt in life so far, it’s to just trust your gut instinct. Chances are, it’s probably right. Learn to not read into things (Yep, stop stalking his ex’s, auntie’s new baby girl), and start believing in yourself. It’s when you’re least looking for love that it will come to you.